17-20 Feb, Barranquilla, Colombia, The Life Aquatic Soundtrack
Much like the carnivals in Rio de Janeiro and Salvador in Brazil, Colombia has its very own version. It is held at the same time of year and in the same spirit as it’s neighbours, although it is not as well known internationally. And so being a foreigner you become a major carnival attraction yourself (aka target).
The carnival is over 4 days each year in February. Each day takes a different theme, from children's days, floats, battle de flores and fantasia. It is all about everyone coming together, getting drunk and squirting foam in each others eyes.
It was well talked about amongst the backpackers that accommodation would be hard to come by, and so me and my band of foreign crazies jumped a 2 hour bus into the action at Barranquilla,…….no accommodation booked,…… no backpack…..no change of clothes…...sometime you just gotta roll those dice.
Day 1 – Battle de Flores
As soon as we arrived things started to go awry, one of the English gentlemen gently shat his pants. This happened while we were awaiting entry to the parade grounds, he returned soon after with a smile and no boxers, there is just no keeping some chaps down.
 On the bus……direction….trouble….. |  The main weapons of the children are talcum powder and spray foam, much like hair mouse. Great fun if you gang up on the little shits and take them down in gang fury. |
 The boys, looking nice and clean, this is before we were discovered by the shitty little kids. |  No comment, Colombianos are nuts…. |
 Bring out the dancing ladies!!! |  After a sneak attack by some kids. Dave helpless and crying for help, poor lad he was done for. |
 Porcupine child! |  Yo tengo hambre…..My new girlfriend…..I wish…. |
So day one was an eye opener, we walked around the parade grounds getting demolished left, right and centre by children with talcum powder and foam spray. I got pick pocketed three times, and lost a packet of biscuits and my throw away phone. I had the foresight the day before to make a security chain that attached my wallet and camera to my belt, it worked a treat. I even caught one of the pickpockets in action. I proudly paraded him through the on looking crowd who were clapping for me….Vigilante Justice!!…..YAAAAAAH!!
For the first night I ganged together with a few of the British lads and was intending to stay on their hotel room floor. Through some good fortune one of the lads scored some beautiful German girl, leaving his bed empty for me and taking one for the team, well appreciated!
Day 2 – The grand parade of tradition
After all the troubles of day 1 we opted for paid secure seats in the stands.
 Ymmm…this young officer is from the smoking police, free cigarettes….I am currently resisting arrest, hopefully not going to be locked up…..please please!! |  The beautiful senorita’s dancing the 8 km parade route |
 Mr shaman channelling spirits of love and peace |  Flaming golden princess running to visit me….Hola! |
 Traditional, these kids are dressed for the parada de ninos |  Aussies, always ready to party with a wig and a beer. |
 The street fiesta went all night, foam and beer flowin’ everywhere. |  As some superheroes acquire skills when the night comes, I acquire super skills when I get wankered! My skill is Speaking Spanish!!!!. I decided to leave the street party and talk to some local street urchins. |
 My amigos. William (15) in the middle spoke perfect english, he said that the city was a dangerous place. I didn’t believe him until he showed me the 5 stab wounds in his back. |  Chilling outside the local off license drinking aguadiente. At this stage I still had nowhere to spend the night. |
Day 3 – At the pub with the locals
I found myself awake around midday in on the floor in some friendly peoples house. My meagre belongings were with me and was still covered in floatsam, talcum powder and nursing a nice hangover, how the fuck did I get here?…..
 My adopted host family where I spent the night. They made me a beautiful lunch so I took them to the pub for the day. |  Hanging with the boys at the pub. Funny thing is that they thought I was the crazy one! |
 Mr Pollo and I. He didn’t say much and I don’t know why his name was chicken, but he did command a lot of respect, and everyone said he was their father. |  This dude is simply the coolest dad ever. He had his whole family down the pub. We are like brothers. |
 Just as night follows day, drinking for hours with the locals leads to a dance off…. Step up all competitors! |  And the winner is……due to crowd appreciation…. THE HONKYTONK-GRINGO-ME!!!! WHOOOP! |
That’s right, not only do I have super wankered spanish speaking powers, I also am blessed with super wankered dancing powers!!
After the dance contest we ended up at a nightclub with the most beautiful women in the world. Hands down. No contest. Sorry Iceland your women have been demoted to second place. And later we progressed to street for dancing till the sun came up, whereupon my wrecked body mind and spirit managed to get me to the bus station for the 2 hour trip back to the sanctuary of a hammock in Taganga.
Some adventure…..I was one ruined man.
And so I left (ran away from…) Colombia 3 days after the carnival to meet Damo in Mexico. In all it took me a 5 days to recover from this party, well worth it.
Colombia is a crazy fun place. I vow to return!
x.brad
